How fast can I get to Australia?

Terrible, horrible, no good very bad days -- yep, we've all had 'em! Yesterday was one of them for us. The window guys came to work on the windows and found out that there was water leaking in around the big window in the kitchen -- either the J-strip (whatever that thing is) is bad, or the caulk didn't get a chance to dry before it rained, or the rain gutter being full constantly drips into the window and allows the window to get wet. Hmmm. The guys did a temporary fix and said they would come back on a sunny day to complete it and figure out the problem. I'm sure that in Australia there are no leaking windows. I took the van to pick up the kids from preschool and thought, hmmm, it doesn't feel right -- well, that's because one of the rear tires was flat -- a big 'ol nail was the culprit. I'm sure that tires never go flat in Australia. Just before the big boys got home from school I put Matthew in the family room with Jacob (playing gamecube) and went to the kitchen to clean the stove. A few minutes later, with a thud and a cry, I discovered Matthew at the bottom of the basement stairs. I'm sure that all houses are flat in Australia and that stairs are simply not allowed. Now the boys are home from school and I hear Ryan from the bathroom, "I think the toilet is going to explode!" I'm sure toilets never get clogged in Australia, maybe that's because the water swirls the opposite way there (according to Bart Simpson). A phone call later we learn that Ryan's soccer game is cancelled due to rain. I'm sure all days are bright and sunny in Australia. Mark of course is putting in an 11 hour work day and hasn't heard the good news from home. I'm sure that in Australia people are only allowed to work reasonable hours and that wives are always able to contact husbands in time of emotional breakdown. Ryan got a ride from his friend to his basketball game and we never got to watch him play because we were trying to fix everything. I'm sure that in Australia parents always get to watch their kids' sports games. The fun continued this morning when Mark got the van to the repair place at 7:00 a.m. and got stuck waiting for hours for new tires and alignment. I'm sure that in Australia all repair places tell their customers that a job will take 3 hours and courteously shuttle them to where they need to be in the meantime. Then again, Australia doesn't have repair places because nothing ever need to be repaired! A UTA bus ride home at 9:30 a.m. led to cleaning out the rain gutters, in the which both of us ended up soaked and dirty. I'm sure Australia doesn't have clogged rain gutters. As we get in the car after paying for the van, the car door handle falls off. I'm sure that in Australia car parts do not fall off! I think I just heard a boarding call for a flight to Australia...