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*These thoughts or ramblings are not perfect, but just words tumbling out of my mind as I try to put into writing the events of the past couple weeks. I know if I don't put something down now, it will just get harder and harder. 

Where to begin, where to begin.  I'll just start and work backwards according to memory -- the time has cruised by so quickly!  Mom passed away early on the morning of Tuesday, Nov. 4th.  Something awoke dad about 1 a.m. and he listened for mom to breathe.  Breathing had been difficult  and erratic during the day and the few hours before when they had gone to bed.  After not hearing her, he checked her and found no pulse or breath, but still warm.  She had just passed.  I imagine that what "woke" dad, was Mom just letting him know it was her time to go.  GayLynn was there that night and helped Dad start the calling.  First they called the hospice nurse, Brandie.  Brandie came and gave Mom a nice bath and got her dressed before the funeral home came to get her body.  Dad and GayLynn went back to bed (but didn't sleep, of course) until about 6 am when dad called Bishop Pope.  After that, he called me, around 6:30 a.m.  I sobbed pretty hard after the call, then pulled myself together to get the morning going.  I told the boys before they went to school.  We had been expecting the call anytime, but it sure doesn't make it easier when it comes.
So maybe I'll try to back up a bit and see if I can come up with some sort of timeline of events.  Over UEA weekend (Oct 16-18) my family was granted a tender mercy that we didn't really realize till later.  Anyway, originally the weekend plans were that Jared & Ryan would be camping and Jacob & Matthew would spend the weekend with G&G Vawdrey, and Mark & I would get away alone together.  Then with things going on with Mom we decided that Mark & I and the little boys would go to Idaho for a visit.  Then plans fell through for Jared to go camping.  Then plans fell through for Ryan to go camping.  What we were left with was a family trip to Idaho to Idaho.  This would be the last time my boys would see their Grandma Brady in this life.  A tender mercy. 
We actually decided to try to make the time into a mini-vacation.  We picked Kathleen up at the Ogden airport and drove to Idaho on Thursday afternoon and had dinner with Mom, Dad, GayLynn, and Kathleen.  We  brought some Papa Murphy pizza to make things quick and easy. Mom had been to the doctor in Pocatello that day and was exhausted and wouldn't eat anything.  Mom was getting weaker and weaker. We drove on to Idaho Falls that night and stayed at a motel.  Friday we went out to Craters of the Moon and up to BYU-I (see another post on this adventure).  On Saturday morning we left Idaho Falls and went back to Mom & Dad's for a few hours.  It was a beautiful, warm fall day and we decided to have a hot dog roast for lunch.  Mom was able to use a walker to get outside and join us at the fire pit.  After lunch we visited for a bit and then it was time to head home.  Mom was loving being outdoors and when we left she was still sitting outside in the sun.  Although weak, she could still visit with us and get around with the walker.  Happy memory and tender mercy.
Mom's health took another turn for the worst over the weekend.  On Monday, she was signed up for hospice care.  That night she nearly fell while using the bathroom.  Kathleen decided that she needed to extend her stay for another 3 days.  Hospice brought a wheelchair & commode the next day.  The following day, hospice brought an oxygen tank, just in case she needed it.  Well, that night, she needed it.  Tender mercy. 
Mom was pretty stable for the next couple days, but continued to get weaker.  When I got there on Friday morning (Oct 24), a hospital bed was being delivered and set up so it would be easier to get her up and down.  Mom began sleeping most of the time and didn't talk much anymore and when she did, it was hard to understand her.  I also think that she stopped eating about this time. I was only there overnight, since GayLynn was there and staying for a few days.  On Saturday, Mom had lots of visitors -- Chris & Alisa & their family, Brady & Randi & their family, and Randy & Erica & McKay.  Mom was able to say a few things to them and managed to open her eyes for some of the time as well.  Tender mercy. Dad needed to have someone with him all the time to help care for mom, so the 3 of us girls took turns being there.  Thankfully Kathleen & GayLynn are able to be there much of the time. Tender mercy.
I went up to Idaho again on Wednesday (Oct 29) afternoon and Mark went with me. Mom was spending more time in bed and less in the chair in the office or living room, but we were still able to get her up to the commode.  Mom was also developing a bit of a cough that would keep her from resting/sleeping peacefully. On Thursday, the nurse brought some cough medicine for mom.  She told us it probably wouldn't taste very good, but would help the cough.  I gave some to mom later in the afternoon.  As I carefully put some into the side of her cheek, she started to gag and say "ugh" because it was nasty tasting.  And then, as as clear as clear could be, she said, "What are you trying to do, kill me?!"  Dad, Mark, & I laughed so hard!  That was definitely my mom!  At a time when we were struggling so much to understand her, it was so comforting to hear her say something so clear!  Tender mercy.
That night, Kathleen arrived again.  Mom was getting weaker by the hour it seemed.  That night as we got Mom from the chair to the commode, to the wheelchair, to her bed, it took all four of us -- Mark, Dad, Kathleen, & me.  I was supposed to go home first thing in the morning with Mark, but I knew I just couldn't go.  It would take 3 of us to care for mom now.  That night was full of hard decisions.  First I decided to stay longer and send Mark home as planned.  We also decided that Mom would just have to stay in bed from now on.  It was too difficult to move her.  She couldn't help us by bearing any of her own weight (she's nothing but skin and bone now).  This also meant it was time to begin using a diaper.  It was so hard for us to take that last bit of independence from her, but we knew it was time for this step.  As much as we wrestled with these decisions, by Friday morning we all felt at peace about them. Tender mercy.  It was also about this time that Mom stopped drinking.
By Saturday, Dad felt that with the changes we'd made that he and Kathleen could take care of mom and he wanted me to go home.  Dad drove me to Tremonton to meet Mark.  Dad wanted and needed a break and a chance to get out of the house.  I said "bye" to my mom and told her I loved her.  I was pretty sure I wouldn't see her again in this life.
Sunday was fast Sunday.  Our fast was that Mom would be able to pass on to the other side of the veil quickly.  Dad, John, and Mark Bennett (their hometeacher) gave Mom a blessing that day.  John and Mark also gave Dad a blessing that day.  Our fast was answered as she passed away peacefully early Tuesday morning - November 4, 2014.